An ice-cream man spent the day consulting patients, it has been revealed. A practice in Croydon was forced to bring in the first person they could find after their only full-time partner went off on the sick and the locum they’d booked didn’t show.
’It started out as a normal enough day’, says Colin, ’I’d cleaned the nozzle on the Mr Whippy machine, counted out the sprinkles and dusted down the ’Stop me and buy one!’ sign when all of a sudden I was grabbed by the practice manager and bundled into a consulting room. I was told I’d do because I was wearing a white coat and I looked a bit worried. I’m not sure if that was a compliment or not.’
Colin went on to explain: ’My first patient was upset because her boyfriend called her fat. I prescribed single scoops rather than her usual double. Then I saw someone depressed so I helpfully suggested multi-coloured sprinkles, a good squirt of raspberry syrup and a nice walk through the park. The next lady said she felt something bulging out of her vagina, so I recommended that she see the nice lady doctor. And then I offered her an ice cream.’
’All in all,’ says Colin, ’it was quite a good day and to my surprise the practice invited me back!’
So the Government’s right, if you’ve run out of options and you’re desperate enough, anyone will do, even an ice-cream man. So forget ICE, think ice-cream.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh