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If only doctors could go without pay, the NHS would save a fortune

Ministers have worked out that, if only doctors could go without pay, the NHS would save a fortune.

One minister reported: "We were in the pub doing some dead hard sums on the back of a beer mat when Dave says, 'Hang on lads, aren’t we missing the obvious here? Just because doctors can resuscitate your aunty and diagnose you with Cushing’s doesn’t mean we have to pay them, does it?'"

It was then agreed that greedy doctors should stop asking for money in exchange for an honest day's work.

"If only they would see sense and make this small concession we wouldn’t have to fart about with QOF targets and the MPIG anymore," said another minister.

He went on to add: "After his eureka moment, Dave got all excited and said, 'lads, think about it, we could save trillions! In fact we could save more than trillions! Oh, if only I could remember what comes after trillions. And then we spent the rest of the night getting drunk and trying to remember what comes after trillions, we think it might be gazillions, but then again that might be some kind of lizard.'"

The minister concluded: "Look – we know it's a fact that GPs are hard working and consciousness, and care passionately about their patients. But then again, you can prove anything with facts, can't you?"

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen