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I’m a measles vaccine, get me out of here

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A measles vaccine, which expires in September 2019, is really pissed off because it hasn’t been used to vaccinate a child yet.

‘Hurry up already! I’ve been wedged at the back of this fridge forever’ explains the measles vaccine.

‘And I’m beginning to lose my mind. I haven’t had a decent chat with anyone in here for ages, the polio vaccine is dead to the world, the pneumococcus is from a different planet and the tetanus may as well be flushed down the sink. The only other thing I can talk to is the nurse’s lunch and that seems to change every day!’

The only thing anti-vaxxers are immune to is the truth

The vaccine continues: ‘Since being here, I’ve overheard plenty of parents refuse vaccines, saying that their child needs to develop a natural immunity and that homeopathic remedies are just as effective as vaccination and blah de bloody blah.

If you ask me, the only thing anti-vaxxers are immune to is the truth. Let me reiterate, I am very safe and I can prevent your child from dying horribly of pneumonia and meningitis. That isn’t my opinion by the way, that’s something called science!’

‘In the early hours of the morning, when it’s just me and the refrigerated silence,’ mused the vaccine, ‘I often wonder if the parent who wears a Peruvian woolly hat and refuses vaccinations because they believe in “mother-nature” will choose an organic coffin with locally-sourced handles when they bury their child?’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen