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Jeremy Hunt announces the return of folklore, suspicion and medieval whimsy

Health secretary Jeremy Hunt isn’t too impressed with things like facts and evidence so he’s promised a return to folklore, suspicion and medieval whimsy. 

‘Facts get in the way of good policy,’ says Jeremy, ‘and at the end of the day so-called “facts” are just over-rated lies which are no longer welcome in my department. I promise to hunt them down wherever they are and burn them at the stake.’ 

There isn’t a shred of evidence to support routine Sunday openings but that hasn’t put him off.

‘I’ve based this idea on whimsical anecdote and magical thinking rather than on rational thought,’ explains Jeremy, ‘so I’m going to display it to the public in tapestry form.’

The tapestry, which will be displayed in shopping centres throughout the land, will include woven images of shooting stars, unicorns wearing crowns and some poor sod, thought to be a GP, with an arrow sticking out of his forehead. 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh