Rumours that Jeremy Hunt is in fact an insane cyborg sent by the Tories of the future to destroy what’s left of the NHS have been confirmed today.
Scientists working at a top secret lab identified a microchip found in one of Jeremy’s socks as a neural-net processor designed by the futuristic corporation Skynet.
‘This is truly remarkable,’ says one of the scientists as he held the microchip up to the light.’It’s beautifully designed and it confirms what we always thought. The Tories, increasingly frustrated that they can’t just destroy the NHS overnight sent the cyborg from the distant future and programmed it with the single, ruthless mission to destroy the health service. And it absolutely will not stop, ever. I just hope he doesn’t get his hands on a plasma rifle otherwise we’re all f*cked.’
Jeremy, who was seen wandering around London asking bemused tourists for their clothes, their boots and their motorcycles had nothing to say other than ‘Come with me if you want to live’.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh