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Just like on TV

This Christmas, tune into a brand new episode of the now classic TV drama ‘Investigator Field’.

Field, or ‘the Guv’nor’, is an embattled but ultimately flawed investigator who is as quick with his fists as he is with his wit.

He’s a tough guy but frustrated by red tape; ‘I’m just a man, a man with something to say, a man who just wants to do things his own way.’

In the first episode Field isn’t happy with the way things are going down in GP land. He keeps a covert eye on suspects and on the way he infiltrates an international gang of diamond thieves and uncovers a money laundering business in a breakers yard in south Croydon.  

Hear Field exclaim the now legendary phrase ‘You’re ‘avin a larf’, when he uncovers maggots in a treatment room and here him shout ‘Ave I got bitch written on my forehead?’, when he finds an out-of-date vaccine stuck at the back of the fridge. 

The show, which has received mixed reviews, is a slick hymn to old fashioned British policing and the first episode ends with Field’s inimitable catch-phrase: ‘Clean up your act you ponce or I’ll boil your balls in a bag.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.