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‘Keep the f*** away from my Sundays,’ says God

In an exclusive interview, God explains why he’s more than a little annoyed with Jeremy Hunt’s plan to turn Sunday into yet another working day.

’Doesn’t that douchebag understand anything?’ boomed an angry Almighty, ’Sundays should be about reconnecting with your family, cleaning out your sock drawer and watching Songs of Praise. It shouldn’t be about seeing your GP at 8 in the evening with a tickly cough that hasn’t changed for the past 16 years.’

’If Jeremy wants to take some advice from the infinite Almighty I suggest he keep the f*ck away from my Sundays. Otherwise I’ll blast him to bits with a single thunderbolt or I’ll stone him in accordance with ancient scripture. And I know how unpopular both of those options would be.’

We then asked God what he thought about the general state of the planet and how humans are running things, only to be told by a mean looking Cherub in sunglasses that this was an inappropriate question. 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh