Labour pledges doctors will see patients ‘before they get ill’

The Labour party has pledged that patients will see their doctor a week before they get ill because ‘that will be better for Britain’.

The target, scrapped in 2010 because it was completely insane, will be reintroduced if labour win the next election.

‘We’re not too sure where the money will come from,’ admits one back-bencher, ‘but we’ll probably have to scrap loads of other stuff and raise something called taxes.’

Under the scheme, patients will have a guaranteed right to book an appointment a full seven days before they develop any symptoms. One insider says: “It won’t help anyone but it sounds rather good”

Reaction was sought from Stefan, a typical London-based-healthy-man:  ‘It’s simply scandalous that I can’t get an appointment to see my GP when I’m in a perfectly reasonable state of health. Next week I’m trekking in Norway where I fully intend to sprain my ankle and develop a rash. I should have the right to waste my doctor’s time now rather than in a week’s time.’