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Medieval advice for doctors discovered at the GMC

The Magna Carta was written exactly 800 years ago and the world-changing text was recently discovered in the downstairs bog of the GMC headquarters.

‘It was a typical Monday morning for me,’ says the discoverer.

‘I was passing a firm satisfying stool and leafing through the tolerant pages of the Daily Mail when it came time to wipe and I thought, mmm this feels nice. It was then I realised I was wiping my arse on some kind of ancient parchment.’

Written on vellum the Carta was rescued, washed down and interpreted.

Passages include advice for doctors, such as: ‘Fir any ye doctors and for those who practice physik who are falsely accuse’d of negligence with clyster-pipe or whimsical potion, then thou shalt have vegetables thrown at thee and a revocation of thy license without trial, for ye are a product of the Devil’s very own ballsack.’

The GMC were happy to announce that despite recent criticism they’d had the right approach all along and would be using King John’s ‘ballsack’ quote on all letter-headed paper in the future.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen