This site is intended for health professionals only


Meet your new rootin’, tootin’ head of the NHS PLC


Pulse survey

Take our special survey on Covid vaccine mandate to potentially win John Lewis vouchers worth £100

Pulse survey


Multi-billionaire American businessman set to take over the NHS, it has emerged.

Troy Wallett the Third, a ‘highfalutin’ business tycoon from Texas, has set his sights on the NHS.

‘I’m gonna take over your commie piece o’ shit NHS, and I’m gonna make a whole lotta money for maself’ bellowed Troy, who happened to be wearing a cowboy hat at the time.

‘I’m gunna put cash machines into every single Accident and Emergency department, because there’s no better time to use your life savings than in a life-threatening emergency, right!?’

Because there’s no better time to use your life savings than in a life-threatening emergency

Troy also believes it’s high time the British went with the market. ‘Who needs the uninsured and the unemployed? I certainly don’t. If you wanna stay at ma hospital, ya gotta pay!’

Troy, who finishes most of his sentences with the expression ‘yee-haw’, also plans to make money out of electronic records, pay roll, pensions, human resources, medication management, mental health beds, primary care, medical education and even hospital parking (yee-haw!)

‘The future is a star-spangled Trump-Boris post-brexit extravaganza’, says Troy ‘and we’re gunna roar into the dollar-waving future on a jet plane of glittering dreams.’

‘But don’t worry’ says Troy. ‘We’re not planning to take over your country – we don’t need to, we’ve already done that! Yee-haw.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen

Pulse survey

Take our special survey on Covid vaccine mandate to potentially win John Lewis vouchers worth £100

Pulse survey