In a desperate last bid the Tories have sought refuge in the Land of Makebelieve. Normally populated by gnomes and other bearded miscreants the Tories have staked out a claim to get their 8-til-8, seven-days a-week working plan through.
‘I once read a book,’ said a senior Tory MP, ‘which in itself sets me apart from many of my peers.
‘The book though was about a magical castle and there was this princess and a dragon it. And they fell in love and had a baby together and… Oh hang on, that sounds disgusting.’
In the magical land now populated by vote-hungry Tories there will be hospitals shaped like giant tea pots, talking rabbits who mysteriously know all about your smear history and bookish mice who insist on wearing teeny-tiny bow ties.
There will also be an abundance of GPs willing to work anti-social hours for magic beans.
An angry gnome said: ‘This place used to be ours, it was inhabited by princesses, four year old girls who were all called Elsa for some reason and weird little men like me. See that over there, that used to be my cabbage patch, now the Tories have gone and built a ruddy big hospital on it.’
It’s rumoured that the only way to access this fantasy land is by taking lots of class A drugs and entering a magical portal which runs under Westminster.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.