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Seven days a week

‘Just accept seven day working weeks and be positive about it because the alternative is far worse,’ proclaims a phantom from the spirit world.

The séance was organised earlier in the week by the local CCG.

‘We sat round a dining room table under a chandelier in an abandoned ballroom and beckoned down the spirit. When the lights started to flicker I thought it was just faulty wiring and then a spirit leeched out of one of Angi’s nostrils,’ said an anonymous participant.

‘I thought it was just my sinuses playing up again,’ said Angi, ‘but then I realised it was coldly glowing ectoplasm which oozed out of my face and then assembled into a recognisably human form right there on the table. My sinuses have never done that!’

The spirit who would prefer to remain nameless said: ‘I see a dark future ahead if you don’t agree.’

‘I see the dead rising from the graves and I behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads who shall come and darken our lands and poison our water. And if you refuse to work on Saturdays he shall smite you down with claw and fire.’

He then disappeared up Angi’s nose as quickly as he came.

‘Although these measures are unpopular I have no doubt they’re going to go through,’ admitted a disheartened GP, ‘because at the end of the day I would rather work on a Saturday than be burnt to a crisp by a dragon’.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.