If you’re still unsure of who to vote for, keep it simple and try these scenarios:
1 A patient comes to you asking for a long prescription of gabapentin and diazepam because it’s the only thing that helps her back pain. Do you:
a) Tell her that a glass of Chateau Petrus and a Daily Mail should help
b) Offer a shiatsu back massage and a spoonful of mango coolie
c) Tell her that the Burmese rail line wasn’t built on such platitudes
d) Point out that she makes a valid point but she needs some extra regulation and a five-year plan
2 A patient would like a full body scan please because she’s been feeling a bit off-colour of late. Do you:
a) Offer her a firm hand shake and a private referral
b) Hold her hand, stroking the back of it, saying that you’re with her while licking a ripe aubergine
c) Tell her that what we need is a bloody good war
d) Tell her she makes a valid point but needs some extra regulation and a five year plan
If you answered mainly As, you’re a Tory: Bs, you’re a Green; C, UKIP; and D, Labour.
Happy voting!
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen
