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The secret messages hidden in the Forward View

A secret set of instructions has been found hidden inside NHS England’s new plan by encryption expert Prof Candid.

’The Forward View isn’t a list of whimsical ideas’ says Prof ’it’s actually a very specific set of directions. After using some pretty sophisticated techniques we discovered that resilience fund is code for ’go down the road’, the bit about providing mental health services for GPs means ’keep to the right until you reach the traffic lights’ and when it talks about employing 500 overseas GPs and in-practice pharmacists we decoded it to mean ’when you see the pub on the corner take a left, you can’t miss it’.

Prof’s team guarantees that if you follow NHS England’s directions from anywhere in the UK you’ll end up at the immigration office where you can get your 457 skilled migrant visa for Australia. ’The Forward View doesn’t offer much of a way forward,’ admits Prof, ’but it does tell you how to make a giant leap downwards.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh