New NICE guidelines for sexually transmitted infections have been released this week.
‘We’ve had to revise the NICE guidelines’ says the Prof, ‘because patients have become way too precious about their health and are costing the Government a fortune. Besides, back when I did my training, people didn’t rely on newfangled medications like antibiotics, they just jolly well got on with it’.
After qualifying, the Prof worked at a teaching hospital in Burma, where he contracted knob-rot from the toilet seats. At least, that’s what he told his wife.
‘I didn’t expect any antibiotics back then’
‘I didn’t expect any antibiotics back then,’ he explains, ‘and I bloody well didn’t get any. After all these years, my nose still looks perfectly fine, as long as you look at it side-on’.
‘Anyway, the point of the new NICE guidelines is to encourage clinicians to think, rather than to prescribe’, continues the Prof, ‘just like we did in the past’.
‘Although I have to admit, the past was a very different place; it was a place where a creampie was still a type of cake, a twink was still a modestly-priced chocolate bar and felching was something that a lady did discretely behind her hankie’.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen