Winter will be freezing and people will get colds, it has emerged.
Epidemiologist Prof Candid has analysed general practice and hospital data going back to 1948.
‘It’s clear from the infectious disease and meteorology records that a dip in temperature occurs in December and January,’ explained Prof.
‘This dip, which for arguments sake we’ll call winter, is followed by an increase in the number of upper respiratory tract infections.’
Despite the research, the NHS will again be caught off guard by the change in weather
Even though the data suggest a correlation, it’s not at all clear why this should be the case.
‘Correlation doesn’t imply causation,’ the Prof warned. ‘But maybe the virus is carried on the Siberian winds or maybe it incubates inside snowflakes. Which begs the question: are snowflakes evil?’
Despite Prof’s research, the NHS will again be caught off guard by an entirely predictable change in the weather.
‘If you do get a cold,’ advised Prof, ‘don’t waste ten hours of your life in A&E sitting next to a drunk who keeps his mummified toe in a Tupperware box, just pull a sickie and build a snowman.’