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Thanks, Jeremy. Now we’ll have to start a sandwich tally

I was thinking about how the current cabinet ministers got their jobs. This has led me to believe that Jeremy Hunt must have the weakest bladder in the cabinet.

Stay with me on this.

As he counts David Cameron and Boris Johnson among his Oxford contempories, I wonder if the current set up is the result of a drink-fuelled night time chat that took place in his student days?

Imagine for a minute the Oxford set are several bottles of Krug to the wind and having the ‘where will we be in ten years?’ discussion.

Cameron has the biggest gob and so boasts he will become PM. He then sets about deciding his fantasy future cabinet.

Even back then Cameron was not sure what to do with Boris, so he vouches to decide that at a later stage.

The two look around and realise Jeremy has gone for a pee.

They snigger as one into their cut glass wine goblets and unanimously decide to stitch him up with health.

Having never seen the inside of an NHS building they imagine it’s all about false teeth and surgical appliances and think it would be hilarious to land him with it.

Unbelievable? Maybe, but no less believable than a recent bolus of indigestible material that emerged from the health secretary’s mouth.

A handful of doctors have apparently been taking back-handers from drug companies to get their medications on hospital formularies, so we will now all have to keep a record of any ‘incentives’ we receive from the evil big pharma.

Well Jeremy, I can tell you now we see a rep about once a week. They usually turn up with a bag of supermarket sandwiches. I usually have cheese and ham and sometimes a packet of crisps and an apple.

Oh, I forgot: we share them with the receptionists so I guess we need to get one of them to keep a sandwich tally of what they eat. It will give them something to do as most of the time they are just sitting around drinking coffee and chatting.

And yes, sometimes stale ones left at the end of the day get taken home for people’s dogs.

Maybe we should write that down also and get Fido to put his paw print next to it?

Dr David Turner is a GP in west London