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Medical conditioning versus the human condition

Dr Cathy Welch

Dr Cathy Welch

Here I am, sitting on the ferry, just returning from a day trip to occupational health, contemplating what this means for me, my career, my life, my dreams, and my future.

I’m having my second major relapse of MS this year. I was first diagnosed nine years ago after my right arm and body went numb, just a few months before sitting MRCGP exams. I had a very unpleasant course of mega-high-dose steroids (such fun with type 1 diabetes), which did very little other than nearly sending me ketoacidotic.

It seemed so scary then, but I resolved to just get on with it, what will be will be, and passed the exams with flying colours. And apart from some facial tingling two years later, and now doing pulses and rectal exams with my left hand, I hadn’t thought much of it... until February. I foolishly worked through that episode, determined not to be defeated by a little foot-drop, tiredness and blood sugars of 15+ (more methylprednisolone). Then, come the end of March I was hit with what felt like a tonne of bricks – wobbling round like I’d had a good session on the whiskey, falling asleep at the dinner table. My colleagues came to the rescue, I was packed off home – signed off, from all-go, to nothing...

Anyone who knows me also knows I do not take ‘all stop’ at all well – the curse of ADHD? A distorted work ethic? I don’t know. But the feelings of abandonment I have felt these past weeks, the unintended consequences of my colleagues’ well-intentioned and compassionate approach to my illness, were the hardest to deal with. I cannot blame anyone. I am grateful for the thoughts and actions to protect me from myself. But that feeling of enforcement, lack of involvement in the decisions, bites hard.

We need to reflect on our own experiences, share them, learn from them

We all do it (us humans) – we advise, do, or imagine thoughts, reactions or solutions based on how we imagine it should be. No more so than the ‘patient experience’. Only when something happens to us, or someone close to us, can we see the divide between how we thought it might affect us and how it actually does.

My own experiences of multiple chronic medical conditions, ADHD, and now MS are daily reminders that I am human, my opinion is no more powerful or valid than theirs, I am an advisor, but I cannot live their experiences for them.

We need to reflect on our own experiences, share them, learn from them. Remember how it feels from the ‘other side’. We become better doctors for it, better communicators, more compassionate, more relaxed to the existence and validity of other perspectives. More accepting of ourselves as finite, mortal and imperfect, and honest with colleagues, patients, society and decision-makers.

We must listen to others’ stories with compassionate, open ears and hearts, bring the humanity back into the core of healthcare, as the #thosewecarry campaign is doing on Twitter.

We should share our stories, as I am, and colleagues did in the recent Pulse writing competition about being on the other side of the consultation. Compassion starts within us, and true compassion only comes with acceptance of ourselves and fellow beings as we are, not as we think we and they should be. Take off the mask of ‘professionalism’ and you will find those around you appreciate you more for who you actually are, not who you thought you should be.

Dr Cathy Welch is a GP on the Isle of Arran, Scotland

 

 

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Readers' comments (5)

  • Cathy, I can only admire your courage to fight on despite your numerous and debilitating afflictions. I have always found your articles in Pulse to be stimulating, controversial, but always well thought out, and (like this one) moving.
    As one of the jaundiced army of would-be Copperfield clones I have worn my cynical suit-of-armour to protect me from the ravages of GP, but your articles always bring us back to the core of why we are here in the first place......to care.
    I frequently disagree with your opinion, but can not fault the intelligence and passion you pour into your columns.I hope that you will not only overcome your current medical issues, but will continue to write your brilliant and challenging articles for Pulse, and keep reminding us misanthropes that our cynicism needs to be balanced with compassion.

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  • Don’t worry, David, you’ve not heard the last of me yet! Back to work tomorrow (slowly!), far to much life to be lived to be giving up! :-)

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  • Thought provoking, especially when many gps are increasing their resilience, in an attempt to avoid burn out. Compassion, so easily gets pushed aside in an attempt to run to time. However it is often the reason we chose this career path.
    Also as Maya Angelou said 'people forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel'

    Listening to patient's stories with compassion & an open heart, should be the backbone of practicing medicine. Unfortunately you can't measure it & it doesn't tick a qof
    box so it is so often ignored.
    Being 'on the other side' as a patient, makes us better doctors, as does life experience.
    Hopefully your return to work goes smoothly and you're back to 'all-go' soon. I'm sure we were in the same year at medical school, all those years ago!



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  • S’ton class of ‘98?

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  • Yes, nearly 20 years since we graduated!

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