Pulse Checker: The alternative GP recovery plan by Dr Nick Riviera

With help from ChatGPT

Not many GPs are holding out much hope for NHS England’s forthcoming recovery plan. So at Pulse Checker we thought we’d make our own but, as we are quite lazy, we’d get it done by ChatGPT, the artificial intelligence tool.

But it would need be fronted by a doctor who is still practising, but also has the personality to sell it. So who better than Dr Nick Riviera, from The Simpsons? 

This is what happened when we asked ChatGPT to ‘Write an NHS England recovery plan in the style of Dr Nick Riviera’. (Although we fear ‘he’ may have ripped off his first idea from the actual recovery plan itself)…

Ah, hello everybody! It’s me, Dr Nick Riviera, here to present to you the NHS England recovery plan for general practice.

First things first, we’re gonna need more doctors! But let’s face it, we can’t afford to hire more, so we’re just gonna have to work with what we’ve got. So, step one, all doctors must now work 24/7. That’s right, no more sleep for us! We’ll be like superheroes, but with stethoscopes instead of capes.

Step two, we need to get the patients in and out of the office as quickly as possible. So, all patients will be required to fill out a questionnaire prior to their appointment. If they don’t fill it out, they don’t get seen. And for those who do get seen, we’re gonna need to move them through the office like an assembly line. Next patient, please!

Step three, we need to cut costs wherever we can. So, we’re gonna stop buying those fancy latex gloves and start using plastic bags instead. They’re cheap and they get the job done. And forget about those expensive medications, we’ll just give everyone a lollipop and send them on their way.

And finally, we need to keep morale high. So, all doctors will be required to wear clown noses and
funny hats during appointments. It’ll keep things light and entertaining, and who knows, maybe it’ll even distract patients from the fact that we have no idea what we’re doing.

So there you have it, folks! The NHS England recovery plan for general practice, as presented by yours truly, Dr Nick Riviera. It may not be perfect, but hey, it’s better than nothing, right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a patient to attend to.

*Puts on clown nose* 

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