‘GP to kindly’ is just code for ‘workload dump’

Copperfield lays into his least favourite phrase, ‘GP to kindly’ – declaring that all it does is shunt workload onto GPs under the guise of professionalism

I realise I should be focusing on the bigger picture here, given the current all out war between GPs and Government, and calls for Trump to come over, sort it and finally get the Nobel he so richly deserves.

But I’m not. Because in the day-to-day, it’s often the smaller picture stuff that genuinely grates. Which is why I was really taken by an AI spoof Rat-Pack crooning number ‘GP to Kindly‘ which is currently doing the rounds on various chat forums and which neatly nails why that phrase is so nauseating.

But ‘GP to kindly’ is just the tip of an iceberg of daily microinsults, passive-aggression and performative inaction that we’re obliged to endure; each of them camouflaged with a glutinous cloak of courtesy.

For example, there’s the overegged and meticulously recorded formalities beloved by non-doctors when they encounter actual patients. Hence, I’m reading an A&E letter stating, on examination: ‘Self introduction made to child an parent, name and DOB confirmed, consent given by child’s parent for physical examination…’ And so it goes on, like a Dickensian exposition of the main characters but without the literary flair.

They all write crud like this. Why? Who cares? Any self-respecting clinician knows that this stuff is a given. Presumably it’s there just to give noctors a veneer of professionalism – whereas it just reminds me that, while they might be good at identifying people, they’re not so good at identifying pathology. And not always that good at identifying themselves.

Almost as bad is the pseudo-compassion of those washing their hands of the patient. Thus: ‘I met Mr X in my clinic today but unfortunately he does not meet the criteria for our service, so we will be returning him to your care. I wish him the very best for the future and do hope that all goes well.’ Oh, I’m sure you do – but if it does, it’ll be no thanks to you, will it?

But, yes; ‘GP to kindly’ is the apex irritator. Those three words are universal shorthand for, ‘I’m about to take a massive workload dump in your face, and I’m laughing as I do’.

The common thread here is fellow professionals pretending to be competent, caring or constructive, and using exaggerated formality and politeness as a smokescreen. And I absolutely loathe it.

It was something I really noticed when my mum was ill, and her interactions with the NHS involved people being ‘very nice’ (her words) while doing bugger all (my words). In fact, the health service would be a much more functional place if we had staff focusing less on being ingratiating and more on being effective. Have we met, by the way?

Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex