Parenting children with additional needs as a GP

GPs Dr Katie Amiel and Dr Kate Davies of the Survive and Thrive Collective share their tips on how to balance working as a GP with being a parent of a child with additional needs

The recent widely discussed case of a GP suspended for blocking out appointments to manage childcare has sparked a fierce and necessary wider debate within our profession. It has laid bare the rigid, often unforgiving nature of the ‘juggle’ and the desperate need for more compassionate, flexible working environments.

However, for a significant number of our colleagues, this juggle is about more than school runs, after school care or holiday clubs. For parents of children with additional needs – neurodivergence, mental health problems, eating disorders or Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) – the challenge is on a different scale entirely.

Many of these doctors are suffering in silence. They move through their clinics, managing the complex needs of their patients, while their own domestic reality is in a state of constant crisis. Often, their colleagues or practice managers have no idea what they are dealing with at home as they will hide it due to a fear of being labelled as ‘not coping’. In a culture that prizes resilience above almost all else, admitting to the chaos of additional-needs parenting feels like a confession of weakness.

There is also a heavy, private belief, compounded by our medical training, that we should know what to do. We feel our professional experience ought to make us better at navigating these challenges, and when it doesn’t, we are met with a toxic cocktail of shame and the fear of being seen as less capable or less resilient than our peers.

At the Survive and Thrive Collective, we work with parents supporting children struggling with neurodivergence, mental health challenges, eating disorders and Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). Many of these parents are doctors. And many of them are profoundly burnt out. Parental burnout differs fundamentally from the occupational burnout. You cannot take sick leave, reduce hours, or eventually find a new role. You cannot resign from being a parent.

For the medic-parent, there is no ‘off’ switch. Even the holidays can often bring more sensory dysregulation and stress than respite. Sleep is frequently a casualty, disrupted by a child’s night-time anxieties or care needs. Consequently, your nervous system remains in a state of constant overdrive. You may find yourself feeling cynical, numb, or even disconnected – not just from your colleagues, but from the child you love deeply.

This is not a personal failing; it is a predictable response to a relentless workload. Between the endless admin of form filling and chasing appointments, the financial strain of private therapies, and the fear of what the future holds for your child, the mental load is staggering. And that’s on top of juggling a stressful role as a GP with the need to provide care for your child.

It is time to speak about this without shame. If you are struggling, you are not failing; you are navigating an incredibly challenging role in a broken system.

If this resonates with you, here are several tips gathered from our community that can help you both survive and thrive:

Find your tribe

Isolation is the fuel of burnout. You need a community that ‘gets it’ – people who won’t judge your parenting when you have to pivot from traditional methods to accommodate your child’s needs.

Surround yourself with those who offer empathy rather than simplistic ‘fix-it’ advice, judgement or comparisons.
Connect with supportive groups online or in person like Facebook groups (e.g. Medic Mums Added Extras) or the Survive and Thrive Collective.

Know your rights and resources

Empowerment through information: familiarise yourself with your rights regarding alternative educational provision and SEN support. The ‘Barriers to Education’ website has some excellent resources to help parents across a range of topics.
Financial support: Do not overlook Disability Living Allowance (DLA) or Carer’s Allowance. Don’t feel ashamed of applying for financial support – it can really help to mitigate the financial impact of reduced working hours or therapy costs.

Professional support for you

Workplace advocacy: If possible, find a supportive partner or lead at your practice. Be honest about your situation. Could your sessions be timed differently? Could your admin load be structured to allow for school runs or therapy appointments?
NHS Practitioner Health: This is an invaluable, confidential service for doctors. If your mental health is suffering, reach out for specialist expert support.

The oxygen mask principle:

As GPs, we tell our patients to put on their own oxygen masks first, but we rarely do it ourselves. Self-care for parents supporting children with challenges isn’t about spa days, it’s about vital nervous system regulation.

The basics: It is easy to be so preoccupied with looking after your child that you forget the basics of self-care. Prioritising the basics of sleep, nutrition, and movement where possible is the foundation of feeling more able to cope.
Micro-joys: Find small things that help regulate your nervous system or bring you a moment of enjoyment – parents in our community have found support from a wide variety of sources including journalling, open water swimming, singing in a choir, a dance class, five minutes of breathwork and being in nature.

Let go of the ‘shoulds’, expectations and comparisons

The weight of ‘should’ is one of the heaviest burdens we carry. We often feel our child should be hitting certain milestones, our parenting should look a certain way, or we should be able to manage it all as effortlessly as others seem to.

Audit your influences: Filter your social media and your social circles. If a curated ‘perfect’ feed or a particular group makes you feel inadequate, give yourself permission to look away.
Relinquish the ‘traditional’ blueprint: You may need to parent your child in ways that feel counter-intuitive to your own upbringing or ‘standard’ parenting advice, for example a low-demand parenting approach. Trust your own instincts and knowledge of your child’s needs, regardless of external judgement that may come from family or friends.
Celebrate the small wins: When the standard milestones feel out of reach, start looking for any daily small wins. A day without a meltdown, a brief moment of connection, or a successful transition are all significant victories. Awareness of what is within and outside your control allows you to let go of how things ‘should’ be and enjoy some of what is happening. Celebrating these wins helps recalibrate your nervous system and builds a sense of competence in the face of inevitable struggles.

Finally, remember that you are doing an incredibly difficult job. Recognise what you are juggling and managing, be kind to yourself and remember that in this challenging journey you are absolutely not alone.

Dr Katie Amiel (London) and Dr Kate Davies (Wales) are GPs, certified coaches and co-founders of The Survive and Thrive Collective – an initiative offering a supportive community, expert resources and training, coaching and creative outlets to parents and professionals supporting children/young people facing additional challenges including neurodivergence, SEN, mental health problems and difficulty attending school