This site is intended for health professionals only

BBC set to unveil ‘That Nice Lady Doctor’ Who

For the first time in 54 years Doctor Who will have a female lead. But a script writer for the long-running sci-fi series has revealed that casting Jodie Whittaker has posed its own unique challenges.

‘We wanted to make it as realistic as possible,’ explains the writer ‘so for the first couple of episodes we’ve got her going round to everyone in the Tardis patiently explaining to them that she is actually “The Doctor” and not just “that nice lady doctor” who does a bit of locuming.

‘Then, in an episode called “Sleep Cyberman Sleep” she sets out on a space-faring mission to save the entire universe but ends up doing a bit of tedious hand holding for a depressed cyberman because she’s the only one who understands his pain.

‘She then becomes so fed up and disillusioned with her job that she spends most of the fourth episode trying to convince her colleagues that she should become a part-time Time Lord.

‘In the grand finale, as a line of Daleks queue up outside her door, Jodie screams: “Recruiting me as the doctor could have been a bold feminist statement, but no! You to had to go and ruin it. And if any more of you ****ing Daleks refuses to exterminate me because you want to have a chat about your periods I’m going to jam a speculum up your ****hole.”

‘That’s assuming that Daleks even have ****holes.’