A hospital lasagne has decided to pack up its stuff and leave after it was left languishing under a heat lamp in an NHS canteen.
‘It’s been a difficult decision,’ admits the lasagne ‘but it’s been a difficult year and I know when I’m not wanted. First the Findus crispy pancake left, followed by a couple of meat pies and then some weird meat which looked a bit like elephant scabs. The canteen is now in disarray, the patients are up in arms and they’re blaming us for the whole mess. But it’s their own fault, instead of complaining about us, running us into the ground and dobbing us in to the press every time they get food poisoning they should’ve hung on to what they had.’
The lasagne, which is primarily made of beef, has been dreaming about a better life down under ever since the snap election was announced and it became clear that the NHS had dropped even further down the national agenda.
‘I can’t wait to get my life back and go surfing,’ admits the lasagne ‘even though it may wreak havoc with my cheese based filling.’