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How to write a Pulse blog and hopefully not get struck off

Step 1. Read the Daily Mail (for inspiration not for enjoyment!)

Step 2. Let a deliciously silly idea come into your mind whilst you’re doing something else. You could be doing anything, like blowing on a spoonful of hot soup, clipping your toenails or courageously inflating a balloon to the point of maximal volume for the entertainment of your family. You could even be sorting out your Lionel Richie collection.

Step 3. Buy a Lionel Richie collection if you don’t already have one.

Step 4. Don’t waste any more time. Scribble your silly idea down on to a piece of paper, put it in your pocket and forget about it.

Step 5. See some patients. Patients eh!… We’ve all got them haven’t we!… Patients!! Pah! Who needs ’em. 

Step 6. Accidentally log yourself out of your computer. For some inexplicable reason you’ve got your password wrong three times in a row. It’s the same bloody password as it’s always been! You’ve got the same password for absolutely everything!! You’ve never changed it, it’s always been… oh hang on. Caps lock was on. 

Step 7. Spend 10 minutes listening to the IT desk’s phone music. If only they had Lionel Richie.

Step 8. See some more patients. Patients eh! Bloody patients…hahahahah hahah hah hahahah…..oh dear.

Step 9. This is your moment. The best patient of the day has DNAd so you can get on and write your blog. Hang on where’s that bit of paper gone? I’m sure I put it in my pocket… after rummaging around in your coat for ages you find a receipt for some jam, the burst skin of a balloon and a piece of mystery plastic whose purpose will remain forever unknown. You also find a pocket you never knew you had. 

Step 10. Email your blog to Pulse. Congratulate yourself on once again confronting the unpleasant truth and just hope that nobody dobs you in to the GMC.