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Jeremy Hunt’s face ‘desperate to leave’

Jeremy Hunt’s face is desperate to detach itself from Jeremy Hunt’s head, it has emerged.

‘I want a fresh start,’ Jeremy’s face admitted. ‘I want to detach myself from the rest of Jeremy and live my life free from this political shyster.’

The face said it hopes to start a new life on a Greek island somewhere.

‘Ever since I read Captain Corelli’s Mandolin I’ve wanted to spend my days on a fishing boat in the Ionian sea. I don’t really care what happens to the rest of Jeremy, he might just have to buy a balaclava or a big hat or something, but I don’t think too many people will notice.’

‘I just don’t want to be associated with the torrent of utter shite that comes out of that man’s mouth anymore.’