The Government continues to miss its recruitment targets so Prof Candid, dean of the local medical school, went on a fact finding mission to Europe.
‘I attended a conference called “Re-energising general practice”’, says Prof, ‘I left with high hopes and came back with an earring, a faux leather jacket and an enormous bag of white powder.’
We caught up with him in his rooms: ’General Practice is fabby fabby fabby and everyone, I mean everyone, should shimmy up the drain pipes and shout from the roof tops; we should be loud and proud about general practice.’
After another snort from his bag he added: ’I want all the academic staff here at the med school to form a great big line and conga out into the car park singing “let’s all be a GP, let’s all be a GP, da daaa daaa da”. It’s gunna be awesome, I’ll beat the cosmic drum and our minds will become one, and we’ll plunge head first to quench our thirst in the infinite sea of love. After another sniff he added, ’And guess what, it’ll be Christmas soon as well!! have a lolly, molly, polly, rolly golly, folly, dolly, solly, bolly, jolly Christmas EVERYBODY!!!’
He then sank back into his chair, holding his head in his hands, ‘I’m never doing this again,’ he moaned.