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The lesser-spotted single-handed GP

The country doctor is about to set off on his rounds. He stops at the mirror to adjust his tie, he wears smart tweed and drives a Range Rover and his only concern is for the health and well-being of his patients. This cosy image of the single handed GP has annoyed the Royal College so much that they’re now suggesting a cull.

A spokesman explains: ‘Single handed GPs are a menace and pose a growing threat to our rural way of life. The most humane thing we can do is hunt them down and finish them off before they’ve had a chance to breed.

 ‘We need to send out a stark message to any GP who’s thinking about working on their own:  we’re going to strip them, smear them in duck fat and make them run through the countryside barking like a fox before asking John Craven to release the hounds.’

The proposals met some opposition but on the whole people who wear wellies and watch Country File on a Sunday morning without a hangover have got right behind it, especially when they were told that doctors are the main source of bovine TB.

If the Royal College gets its way the cull could be over in a few short months. For anyone in half a mind the College’s message couldn’t be clearer: single handed GPs are like badgers, only much more bastardly.