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‘The time has come to destroy the NHS’, admits Theresa May

Tory psychopath Theresa May has finally admitted that the time has come to completely destroy the NHS and use the rubble to build herself a nice summer house or orangerie

‘I’m the type of person who calls the cupboard under the stairs an oubliette,’ admits Theresa, ‘and so I have no need of social health care. Our five year plan is to drive a massive earth-mover at full tilt into the side of the NHS, we also envisage lots of wrecking balls, controlled detonations and JCBs’.

It’s hoped that another five years of relentless destruction will leave little patches of earth here and there which will make really useful allotments or community gardens and that every sensible person in the UK will have a private health care plan.

‘Brummm brummmm brummmmmmmm,’ says Jeremy Hunt, clearly itching to get behind a massive yellow digger.