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Through the K hole’s predictions for 2017

In 2017, Through the K hole predicts that you will finally get round to laying that little bit of carpet in the hallway, you will decide against buying those new foot mats for the car and you’ll purchase that hugely expensive gym membership only to go there once to buy some spring water and an energy bar.

Through the K hole predicts that you will be determined to prepare for your appraisal in a systematic and structured way only to spend all night long writing caffeine-fuelled bullshit in the relevant boxes.

Through the K hole predicts that you will buy at least eight books which you’ll never read, you will waste at least 100 hours of your precious life attending unnecessary house-calls and your cat will go missing but will be found alive and well in your neighbours’ garage. Through the K hole also predicts that if you don’t own a cat then this probably won’t happen.

Finally, Through the K hole predicts that at least one colleague will f*ck off to Australia, one will retire and one (ie you) will have an existential melt-down. What is absolutely clear is that by the end of 2017 you will be one year older and your life will most definitely be one year shorter.