It’s been a bumper year for our special awards, with health secretary after health secretary
(after health secretary) and NHS managers providing plenty of ridiculous policies and statements.
Whittling them down has been tough, but put your hands together for our winners
THE FREDDY KRUEGER RETURNS AWARD
Winner: Steve Barclay
Steve Barclay was described in an HSJ editorial as the NHS’s ‘worst nightmare’ when he was first appointed health secretary in July. Actually, his first stint turned out to be one of those nondescript dreams that you knew at the time was a dream, from which you could awake knowing it would make no material difference to your life.
When Rishi Sunak reappointed him as health secretary, Pulse could reuse the ‘What do we know about Steve Barclay?’ piece, without needing to update it from his highlights reel while health secretary, because there weren’t any. But for the sake of those working in the NHS, we can only hope he hasn’t saved all the goriest scenes for his sequel.
THE GWYNETH PALTROW AWARD FOR SERVICES TO ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE
Winner: Thérèse Coffey
Unlike her predecessor/successor, Thérèse Coffey certainly made her mark as health secretary in her short time in office. Unfortunately, that mark was the unexplainable rash that your frequent attenders present to you on a fortnightly basis. Except that those rashes normally last longer.
Immediately, she displayed her deep knowledge of primary care by informing Radio 4 listeners that the bedrock of the NHS was primary care, including ‘doctors, dentists and chiropractors’. Following this, she called for a vertebral subluxation awareness campaign, and agreed to fund an Arthrostim for every PCN.
THE JOE WICKS AWARD FOR PROMOTION OF EXERCISE
Winners: NHS England, The UK Health Security Agency and the Met Office
Remember the days of April 2020, when everyone was at home, baking banana bread, learning new skills and doing workouts with Joe Wicks? Well, obviously GPs wouldn’t, because GPs were busy seeing patients and putting their own lives at risk, despite politicians’ claims to the contrary.
Anyway, it might be good for GPs to look on YouTube and find all the workouts, because it seems they are best placed to offer hints and tips on exercise routines. Guidance on cold weather from our winners advised the public: ‘Remember to speak to your GP before starting any exercise plans’.
THE ELON MUSK AWARD FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS
Winner: The GMC
The regulator has worked so hard to prove it is a cuddly organisation over the past few years, with varying degrees of success. So, imagine the horror among the GMC press team when its tribunal decided to suspend a GP for a month for the heinous crime of exaggerating her claims for a laptop from her employer.
Of course, the real victim here is Dr Manjula Arora, the GP who had her name spuriously dragged through the mud, even if the ruling was overturned and a GMC review later found the case to be invalid. Still, hopefully public confidence in the profession was boosted by seeing a GP suspended for such a reason amid a workforce crisis.
THE BORIS JOHNSON AWARD FOR PURE NAKED LEADERSHIP AMBITION
Winner: Liz Truss (obviously)
Runner-up: Wes Streeting
Shadow health minister Wes Streeting got into politics because of his passion (to become Prime Minister). There is no doubt that he cares a lot (about becoming Prime Minister).
So when he wrote in The Sun that GPs’ ‘culture of something for nothing’ should come to an end, there was only one reason for doing this – his devotion to patients (voting for him). And when he said ‘we will make sure people can see a GP when they want, how they want’, he said this because he truly believes it (will help him get the support of The Sun to become the next Labour leader).
THE REBEKAH VARDY WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE AWARD
Winner: Jeremy Hunt
When the ‘Building Better General Practice’ campaign was launched, the name of one of its most prominent backers was a surprise to GPs. But it was the culmination of Jeremy Hunt’s about-face. As chair of the Commons health committee, he had been vocal about supporting general practice and contrite about his time as health secretary. So when he became chancellor, GPs might have thought he would put his (taxpayers’) money where his mouth is. Instead he talked about austerity measures, including NHS funding. Prepare yourselves for gaslighting about his previous utterings – if only because he is one of the few who can afford gas this winter.
