‘Give us some Christmas cheer, good king Wes-ceslas’

Dr David Turner delivers a bleakly festive diagnosis of the NHS, with a suggested prescription for recovery: fund general practice

The devolution of the NHS has followed a steep trajectory downwards. Over the years I have compared our healthcare system to an overweight middle-aged man, a doddery oldster, a desperado on its knees and finally a defeated individual crawling on its belly.

They say you must let some situations get as bad as they can before they can improve. For example, an alcoholic must completely hit rock bottom before they have any chance of pulling themselves up again.

Well by that analogy, the NHS is currently doubly incontinent, covered in its own vomit and sprawled comatose behind the bins of a flat-roofed pub.

However, being Christmas and the season of good cheer and all that, I thought an NHS themed carol, to the tune of Good King Wenceslas might be in order. All together now!

Health Sec Wesley last looked out
From his ivory tower
As the NHS lay dead,
on its funeral pyre.

Loudly cried the residents:
‘We’re fed up of waiting,
For some decent terms and pay,
So off to Oz we’re heading.’

The GPs were just as pissed off,
Sick of the gaslighting.
Desperate for a bit of cash
To pay the staff and lighting.

Wes said: ‘You must do much more
And no more will be added
To the global sum, in fact,
Next year it will be lightened.’

Patients too are most displeased.
Waiting lists get bigger
Those with money jump the queue
And those without just suffer

So dear Wesley what to do?
It does appear so hopeless.
Well look to us GPs, you see,
We’re more parsimonious.

Give us just two more per-cent
Of the healthcare budget
We’ll run with it and soon you’ll see
A return on your investment.

We’ll shift the work from hospitals
If the money follows
Waits and death rates soon will drop
And all will see more smiles!

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Dr David Turner is a GP in Hertfordshire