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A quick survey on the state of GP morale

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About you

All individual responses will be kept anonymous

Q1  Is your workload manageable?


No.  Imagine wrapping barbed wire around your genitals as someone spoons cat vomit into your open mouth and shrieks endless obscenities into your ringing ears as they try to set fire to your nasal hair. Now imagine this for 14 hours a day – you’ll start to get the picture.

Q2 What are your thoughts about the Quality of Outcomes framework?

I want to keep it the same size.

I want to reduce it in size slightly.

I want to punch it really hard in the face and then tie its useless twitching corpse to the back of my car before setting off on a slow Sunday-paced drive through every health board in the land.

Q3 The Scottish government launched a plan for primary care at the end of June. Are you aware of the plan?


Q4 Which of the following pose the biggest challenge to you?

Political interference

Interfering politicians

All of the above  

Q5 If you had your time again would you chose to be a GP?


No.  I would rather staple my eyelids to my forehead and be forced  to watch David Cameron’s lurid sex tapes over and over again until his straining frustrated sex face forces the very last shred of reason and humanity within me to pray for a quick death.

Please return all completed questionnaires to Professor Candid (earl-OBE)

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh