A Department of Health report reveals that patients who chose to buy a dog with their personal health budgets displayed a significant improvement in their overall health and wellbeing. The scheme, which has been piloted across 20 sites, has shown that patients who bought dogs had significantly less stress and lower blood pressure than patients who decided to blow their NHS budgets on theatre tickets and wine-tasting.
An insider says: ‘It may be too early to say but it looks like dogs, unlike fags, prevent heart attacks. Getting a Springer spaniel free on the NHS could save your life.’
The same report also found that poodles cure cancer, a well trained collie can do CPR and that bull mastiffs are a really really shit idea.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen