West Mercia Police confirm that a gang of professional thieves targeted a waxwork museum in Worcester at the weekend and made off with a life-sized effigy of Jeremy Hunt.
The museum’s curator said: ‘I arrived at work to find a broken window and an empty plinth. Jeremy used to be on display in a section over there called the Corridor of Unreasonableness. He stood alongside Vladimir Putin, who looks a bit like Dobby the house elf, a sad looking bear, which is supposed to be Gordon Brown, and what could either pass as Assad or a comedy French policeman. I agree that our wax-works are piss-poor.’
Just because I’ve f*cked you all into the middle of next week doesn’t mean you can kidnap me and put me on a roller coaster
Following the theft, Jeremy, or rather his mannequin, has been photographed enjoying a day out at Alton Towers, giving it the thumbs up in the pub with a group of junior doctors and has even been mounted on top of a bonfire.
Members of the public describe the wax work as looking bemused, muddled or a little bit perplexed; therefore virtually indistinguishable from the actual human.
‘I want my effigy back,’ demanded an angry Jeremy, ‘Just because I’ve f*cked you all into the middle of next week doesn’t mean you can kidnap me and put me on a rollercoaster.’
One local man told us: ‘We’re actually quite pleased he was stolen. We couldn’t really work out who he was supposed to be anyway and children used to hide in terror whenever they saw his cold dead eyes.’
The museum has since put an enormous stuffed aardvark in his place which easily fills the gap.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh