The odds are against us all

After the heat of the day the inside of the medical clinic felt cool to him. A soft breeze filtered through the atrium and the relaxed beat of his footsteps echoed against blue veined marble. Against the wall was a nexus of smooth machinery that operated effortlessly according to well established neural networks. When asked by the Darzi T-2000 he introduced an index finger through a hole in the glass frontage and a swift, flighty needle removed blood and took a swab from under the nail. Infra-red shone through his finger tip and a bead of sweat was microsuctioned into the machines innards. He was asked by a soft, electronic female voice to 'kindly remove your digit'. The machine purred and processed. On the monitor he was informed of his risks in cold, precise data. He had a 22.89 % risk of a TIA in the next 10 years, and a 13.98% chance of an MI, a 0.33% risk that a future son would be autistic and a 0.001% chance of developing prostate cancer in the next 6 months. He was given 5 to 1 odds in favour of remaining in a stable state of health until his next check up in 2 months time. The steady stream of data printed off and he was issued a script of Futurastatin on the way out. He made his way into the glare and heat of the street, squinting at his list of risks. Unfortunately, he didn't hear or see the electric car as it rounded the corner. His legs were clipped and with the force of the impact they swung from underneath him. His head snapped back against the bonnet of the car and he was left in a quickly spreading pool of blood. Inside the clinic, the machine emitted an eery green font and displayed a final message 'Today you have a 1 in 6 million chance of dying in an RTA' before finally blinking off. Kev

and now I have to decide which is funnier - the columnist or the comments Andre Naude

Please give Kev his own column without further delay. But keep Copperfield also! Irene Henning

10 to 1 they'll add the gambling question to the QOF? David Evans